The Em Dash #22
> Cute
> Taller than me
> Darker skin than me (I don’t want pale babies and I’m light!)
> Athletic
> Smart
> Likes to read
> No more than two years older than me (that’s how much my dad is older than my mom!)
This was my all-important List. You know, Friend, the one that described my ideal partner? Though when I made it in *fourth grade*, I’m pretty sure I used the word “crush.” 😅
After spending days perfecting this list and trading it with my friends so we could be on the lookout for each other (and make sure we wouldn’t have too much overlap), I never looked at it again.
But I’m pretty sure it was ingrained in my subconscious, because every guy I dated met every item on that list. (To be fair, I’m only 5’-2” so #2 was not hard.)
Yay! Go me, right? I knew at the wise age of 9 exactly what I needed in a relationship!
Even though everyone I dated was cute, tall(ish), a beautiful shade of brown, athletic, smart, a reader, and the “proper” age, I only married one of them. (And not just because it’s not legal to be married to multiple people.)
There was so much baby Sabrina didn’t know. Like, it’s important to have someone who has a similar sense of humor. Or someone who listens to you and takes you seriously because they respect you as much as they love you.
You've gotta know what their fears are and if they can heal from their past traumas so you don't spend your life trying to avoid triggering them. Baby Sabs didn’t know what emotional intelligence was, or that the lack of it was a serious red flag.
These traits are so much deeper than the ones on my original list. And they matter more! They say so much more about the person and our potential compatibility. They speak to if we can each get what we need from our relationship.
Deeper traits are the exact kind of thing you need to know about your ideal reader.
When you write a book, you are entering a relationship with your future reader. It’s kind of a weird one since you probably won’t meet this person in real life, and it’s unlikely they’ll contact you ever… but it’s a relationship nonetheless!
And just like you know there is (probably) one type of person best suited for you—a dream match, you should also know there is a specific person your book is perfect for. This is the person you need to imagine when you’re planning and writing your book.
Writing a book for everyone, or even for a specific group of people like “women,” is NOT helpful to anyone—it’s not specific enough. It doesn’t help you, your readers, or anyone in charge of marketing your book. (And if you wanna sell your book, you have to market your book.)
No, we need to know our ideal readers from the broad demographic info all the way down to their specific character traits and psychographics (e.g., attitudes, values, fears).
Lucky for you, I have a list of questions you can ask to figure all this stuff out!
Let’s get into it:
1. How old are they, or what lived experiences do they have?
Age is an easy place to start, but sometimes it’s less about age and more about where they are in life. For example, if your book is for people going through divorce, they could be anywhere from 23 to 60. (And in this case, you might want to specify 50-60-year-olds going through divorce, because they have likely had a longer marriage, and that’s the experience you’re writing about.)
2. What type of education do they have?
Honestly, this question kind of bums me out because I feel like it shouldn’t matter that much. BUT that’s also dumb of me because if you’re writing a book, let's say, about private colleges being a scam, the answer to this question absolutely matters. It’d probably be helpful if your reader was familiar with higher education systems.
(I think this one helps with marketing, too. Like, what are the consumption habits of people with different levels and types of education, ya know?)
3. Are they a specific race, ethnicity, or gender? If so, specify.
The more specific you are about these, the better you know who you’re speaking to and how to speak to them. (Would you address your readers as “amiga” if you were writing a book for white men who want to unlearn their implicit biases?)
4. What keeps them up at night?*
5. What do they want more than anything in the world?*
6. What can your book do to help them get it?*
*These last three questions are the big ones. You have to know where your reader is hurting or in need of something if you’re going to help them. And you have to know how your book will give them what they need!
I like to talk about this as the reader’s transformation journey. In fiction books (and movies), the main character starts off with some problem or conflict, and their character arc provides them the exact transformation they need to be able to solve said problem or conflict. At the beginning of the story, they aren’t who they need to be yet to get what they want.
In nonfiction books, your reader is the main character in need of transformation.
And your book should take them by the hand and bring them through every step needed to transform them into the type of person who can solve the problem or conflict they’re facing.
They should close your book feeling like they now have all the knowledge and perspective they need to get that thing they want more than anything in the world.
And you can’t give them any of this until you know exactly who they are.
So give those questions a shot and let me know if you wanna chat about figuring out your ideal reader. We can always do a deep dive during a mini coaching session. :)
Onward!
I’m in a reading rut, so no books this week.
Reply with recs to un-rut me?
Thanks for being here, First name / Friend!
See ya next week. :)
P.S. If you found this useful, forward it to a writing friend! They can subscribe and be part of the cool kids club, too. 😎
